Sunday, January 6, 2013

Bananas, Meet Your Match

The Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer is a gamechanger for the banana world. Finally we are able to slice an entire banana in one quick motion. 

Having tried one, I can assure you it's not yet a flawless invention. True, it makes perfectly sized banana discs, but I had to press each slice out of the slicer, and then I was left with a goopy utensil to clean. (I'm holding out hope that Model 572 will address these concerns). 
But what truly sold me, and thousands of other Amazon's users, was the consumer reviews. Since August, the Hutzler 571 has blown up in the cyper-world of fruit slicers–receiving dozens of reviews this weekend alone and landing itself in the Top 50 Best-selling Amazon items for the Home & KitchenI've even heard it's saving marriages.

I appreciate a well-written, snarky review. When I was first shown this collection of Amazon reviews, I was in a hysterical fit of tears going through them. The laughter that was brought forth that evening was legendary. But along with amusement came horrific embarrassment for the people who took it serious and tried to retort with an explanation. They should really start teaching sarcasm in public schools. 

Here's a few of my favorite Hutzler 571 observations:
  • Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using - it works much better.
  • It's just a slicer. How the HELL am I supposed to get the peel off? ... About half the bananas I purchased were curved the wrong way!!! So even if I could find those elusive pre-peeled bananas, this slicer would only work on half of them. This should at least be packaged as a set, with two slicers curved in both directions, duh. What kind of moron would just assume all bananas are curved the same way
  • Can someone please send me directions for this product? I couldn't find the slot for the batteries.
  • I guess this product does what it promises, but I really feel like I should be able to control it remotely from my phone. It isn't even wifi enabled.
  • Beware - description clearly says "Great for cereal" but that's bollocks. I tried it on a Weetabix and ended up with a right mess.
Anyhow, if you have a few spare hours, I suggest perusing the 1500+ reviews on the Hutzler 571. You'll be baffled and amused by the combination of witty, clever people and the dense buffoons that post on Amazon!

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